LegGTLT Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Please PM joeleodee For All Site Questions. He is the acting Admin and can resolve anything related to LegacyGT.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueWhiteBoy Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Not quite Friday, but I'm wishing it were... -- This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're an asshole when you're drunk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LegGTLT Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 :lol: Awsome!!! Please PM joeleodee For All Site Questions. He is the acting Admin and can resolve anything related to LegacyGT.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted November 5, 2009 Share Posted November 5, 2009 Rotfl! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigInALegacy Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 Well, I waited til Friday to read it lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Fan Posted November 6, 2009 Share Posted November 6, 2009 A Newfounlander walks into a bar at lunch time for a few drinks to see him through the afternoon. The whole bar is glued to the TV which is showing a situation with a guy on a 10th floor ledge in the business district....after a few minutes the bartender says to the Newfie "I bet you $20 he jumps" The Newfie thinks about it and takes the bet..."You're on boy!!" A few minutes later the man jumps to his death and everyone is shocked. The Newfie gets out the $20 for the bartender, but the bartender takes pity on him and says "I can't take your money...this happened this morning and I saw it on the morning news so I knew he would jump" The stunned Newfie looks at him and says........................................................ "I saw that this morning too....but I was sure he wouldn't jump again":eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
05subiegt Posted November 7, 2009 Share Posted November 7, 2009 had the longest, most boring eight hours at work. with a half hour left, i checked out these jokes and made my whole day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Not really a joke, but a spoof: If there's a whale in your neighborhood Who ya gonna call? NORWEGIANS If its a huge mammal and it don't look good Who ya gonna call? NORWEGIANS I ain't afraid of no whale I ain't afraid of no whale If you're seeing Cetaceans running through your head Who can ya call? NORWEGIANS A big fat thing sleeping in your bed Who ya gonna call? NORWEGIANS I ain't afraid of no whale I ain't afraid of no whale Who ya gonna call? NORWEGIANS!!! If ya have a hunger for whale meat pick up the phone and call NORWEGIANS *does the chicken dance* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 Tough customer; A lady asked me to scan in a photo of her dead husband in a fishing boat. Once that was done she asked me to use Photoshop to turn the man’s face so it was facing the camera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Q: How does women get mink.A: The same way as mink get mink. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LegGTLT Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Huh? Please PM joeleodee For All Site Questions. He is the acting Admin and can resolve anything related to LegacyGT.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coxx Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Q: How does women get mink. A: The same way as mink get mink. this thread clearly says funny in the title "Barack Obama, mothaf#%@a! Barack Obama! I'm the president...of hittin' the ass!" -this is not a political view it's merely a quote from a hilarious tv show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Engage brain. Funny on the low end if you do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LegGTLT Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Engage sense of humor.... still doesn't register. Please PM joeleodee For All Site Questions. He is the acting Admin and can resolve anything related to LegacyGT.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTATV Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Engage sense of humor.... still doesn't register. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoopMan Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Engage ass. Extract head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest heightsgtltd Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 ^^ is that how your Sat night is going to start? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rnstein69 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 A man goes hunting with a bunch of his friends on His land!! They have been hunting a while and his best friend says"hey I can see in your bedroom with my scope". He says " who's that man in the bedroom with your wife? The husband says "what? r u joking? The friend replies,"no honestly. I can see them!! The husband says "Fine shoot her in the head and him in the private!! The friend replies"I CAN GET THAT IN ONE SHOT!!!!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrotes Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Old Fart Football An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied,'its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Touchdown, tie score.' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in thebed. The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gire Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 Funeral For a Homeless Man As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for over twenty years." (Not my best, but a Friday bump was needed) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BENCOB Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 A rich family sends their student to College in Europe. Kid writes home "I feel bad driving a brand new, expensive, high model Mercedes to School every day, all my teachers ride the public tram" Family writes back "Don't feel bad, take this 1.5 million euro check and go buy yourself a tram" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dease42 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 A little boy comes up to his father, and asks "Daddy, what's the difference between 'in theory' and 'in practice'? I've heard it a couple times, and I don't get it" The father replies "Son, that's a tough question to answer... let me show you an example, and maybe you can figure it out for yourself..." "Here's what you do, go into the kitchen, and ask your mother if she'd sleep with a stranger for 2 million dollars." The son starts to question, "But dad, that doesn't..." and the dad cuts him off, "just go do it son, and come back and tell me what she says". So the little boy goes to his mom, and asks her, and she replies "wow, that's a tough one, let me think about it... yes...I'd have to say yes, for 2 million, I would" The boy runs back to his father, and tells him what his mom says, and the father replies "All right, now go ask your sister the same questions..." The son starts to question, "But dad, that doesn't..." and the dad cuts him off, "just go do it son, and come back and tell me what she says". So the boy goes and finds his sister, and asks her the same question. Immediately she replies "hell yeah, for 2 million I'd do it in a heartbeat!" The boy runs back to his father, and tells him what his sister said. THe father smiles and says "And what have we learned? Do we understand what 'in theory' and 'in practice' mean?" The boy thinks about it for a second, and replies "I think I get it now dad.. "In Theory, we're sitting on 4 million dollars" "In Practice, we just live with a couple of whores" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dease42 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 someone just sent me this, made me laugh... http://www.ksdk.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=195855&catid=28 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gire Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 A little boy comes up to his father, and asks "Daddy, what's the difference between 'in theory' and 'in practice'? I've heard it a couple times, and I don't get it" The father replies "Son, that's a tough question to answer... let me show you an example, and maybe you can figure it out for yourself..." "Here's what you do, go into the kitchen, and ask your mother if she'd sleep with a stranger for 2 million dollars." The son starts to question, "But dad, that doesn't..." and the dad cuts him off, "just go do it son, and come back and tell me what she says". So the little boy goes to his mom, and asks her, and she replies "wow, that's a tough one, let me think about it... yes...I'd have to say yes, for 2 million, I would" The boy runs back to his father, and tells him what his mom says, and the father replies "All right, now go ask your sister the same questions..." The son starts to question, "But dad, that doesn't..." and the dad cuts him off, "just go do it son, and come back and tell me what she says". So the boy goes and finds his sister, and asks her the same question. Immediately she replies "hell yeah, for 2 million I'd do it in a heartbeat!" The boy runs back to his father, and tells him what his sister said. THe father smiles and says "And what have we learned? Do we understand what 'in theory' and 'in practice' mean?" The boy thinks about it for a second, and replies "I think I get it now dad.. "In Theory, we're sitting on 4 million dollars" "In Practice, we just live with a couple of whores" Laughing out loud!!:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gire Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Calories Burned During Sex: REMOVING HER CLOTHES:With her consent.................................12 CaloriesWithout her consent...........................2,187 Calories OPENING HER BRA:With both hands.................................. 8 CaloriesWith one hand....................................12 CaloriesWith your teeth.................................485 Calories PUTTING ON A CONDOM:With an erection..................................6 CaloriesWithout an erection...........................3,315 Calories POSITIONS:Missionary...................................12 Calories69 lying down...............................78 Calories69 standing up..............................812 CaloriesWheelbarrow................................216 CaloriesDoggy Style..................................326 CaloriesItalian chandelier..........................2,912 Calories ORGASMS:Real........................................112 CaloriesFake..........................................1,315 Calories POST ORGASM:Lying in bed hugging.............................18 CaloriesGetting up immediately.........................36 CaloriesExplaining why you got out of bed immediately...816 Calories GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:20-29 years......................................36 Calories30-39 years......................................80 Calories40-49 years.....................................124 Calories50-59 years...................................1,972 Calories60-69 years...................................7,916 Calories *****70 and over........................Results are still pending DRESSING AFTERWARDSCalmly..........................................32 CaloriesIn a hurry.......................................98 CaloriesWith her father knocking at the door..........5,218 CaloriesWith her husband knocking at the door......8,775 CaloriesWith your wife knocking at the door..........13,521 Calories Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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