BENCOB

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Right, quite old actually but I first saw it the other day on fb and I totally laughed! My immediate thought was to post it here, it may even be a repost (I did not check)...... For those that care to read more about its history > http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

Two hillbillies, Ed and Red, walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breath?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to thebar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seen nobody do it!"

It's not friday but I just came across this from an e-mail that is more than 10 years old > God is sitting in heaven when a scientist said to Him. "God, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing - in other words, we can now do what you did in the beginning." "Oh, is that so? Tell Me..." replies God. "Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's very interesting...show Me." So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil into the shape of a man. "No, no, no..." interrupts God, "Get your own dirt."

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$550.00!" she cried, "$550.00 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $5.00, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $550.00"

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Well done to the lot of you, we're fixin' to buy a 2013 ltd, model code daf for 25,852$ out the door......

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I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century, old man,” he said. “We don't waste money on newspapers.” “Here, you can borrow my iPad.” I tell you this, that fly never knew what hit it......

http://www.crash.net/world+rally/news/173005/1/volkswagen_debuts_polo_wrc_in_frankfurt.html "As yet, Volkswagen hasn't named any drivers for its WRC programme, although Petter Solberg continues to be heavily linked with a drive."

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[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLwGMewPQQI]555 SUBARU LEGACY RS Gr.A　BOXER　SOUND!! - YouTube[/ame]

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In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. Of course this period was before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet. But once water hit it (at sea), not only did it become heavier, the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction 'Stow high in transit ' posted on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hole would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term 'S.H.I.T', (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a bridge term.

Just read this whole thread from start to finish, simply amazing, AWESOME, well done, enjoy it......

Dear Family & Friends, I know that you were eager to accept our family's invitation to Thanksgiving dinner when you found out that the famous Martha Stewart would be joining us. However, due to scheduling conflicts beyond her control, Ms. Stewart finds that she is unable to grace our table this year. With that in mind, there will be a few minor changes regarding the meal and decor, as outlined below. Please be aware of them, and adjust your appetite and dress appropriately. Thank you. 1)Our driveway will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After several trial runs and two visits from the fire department, it was decided that, no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. 2)Once inside, please note that the entry space will not be decorated with swags of Indian corn and fall foliage. Instead, we included our dog in decorating by having him track in colorful autumn leaves from the back yard. The mud was his idea. 3)The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this is Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the paper SpongeBob dinner plates, the leftover Halloween napkins, and our plastic cup collection. 4)Our centerpiece will not be a tower of fresh fruit and flowers. Instead we will be proudly displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper and pine cones. The artist assures me it is a turkey, albeit one without wings, legs, or a beak. 5)We will be dining somewhat later than planned. However, our daughter will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure she will be happy to share every choice comment her mother made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, stuffing choices, the turkey hotline, and, especially, her husband. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 7:00AM upon discovering that said husband had only remembered to pull the turkey from the freezer at 6:00 AM, and that the thing was still hard enough to cut diamonds. 6)As an accompaniment to our daughter's recital of these events, I will play a recording of Native American tribal drumming. Curiously, the tribal drumming sounds a great deal like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, but that only enhances the holiday appropriateness. If our daughter should mention that we don't own a recording of Native American tribal drumming, ignore her. She's only nine; what does she know? 7)A dainty silver bell will not be rung to announce the start of our feast. We have chosen to keep our traditional method of assembling when the smoke alarm goes off. 8)There will be no formal seating arrangement. When t he smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask all the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. And I would like to take this opportunity to remind our younger diners that "passing the rolls" is neither a football play nor an excuse to bean your cousin in the head with bread. 9)The turkey will not be carved at the table. I know you have seen the Norman Rockwell image of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. Such a scene may occur somewhere in America , but it won't be happening at our dinner table. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in the kitchen at a private ceremony. I stress "private", meaning Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children, or older, helpful grandparents into the kitchen to check on my progress. I have a very large, very sharp knife. The turkey i s unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win the battle. When I do, we will eat. 10)For the duration of the meal, we will refer to the gravy by its lesser-known name: Kraft Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or makeup of the Kraft Cheese Sauce, smile kindly and say that you know the answer, but it's a secret that can't be revealed to them until they are 18. 11)Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and dog tongue marks. You still have a choice: take it or leave it. That concludes our list of alterations. Again, I apologize that Martha will not be joining us this year.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the 'Chicken Surprise'. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. 'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. 'Please sir,' says the waiter, 'what you order?' The husband replies, 'Chicken Surprise.' (You're going to love this. You're going to hate yourself for loving this!) 'Ah! So sorry,' says the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck

Good morning Hogmeat, hoglet bencob checking in. Went back to hogzawst again yesterday afternoon, this is our 3rd time......Our 8 year old helped this time. I got him under the car with me. He was very helpful and we had a blast doing it together. I even let him start the car and depress the gas so he can hear what it sounds like with a can disconnected. Boys and cars they go together...... I repeat my two bits of friendly advice to fellow and future hoglets: The four bolt removal was very easy as I had applied industrial grease to each bolt and nut whilst going back to stock last time. With a little bit of exertion, even my kid was able to loosen the nuts during removal this time. I went with 3 washers again, a skinny sandwiched between 2 that are thicker. We again applied industrial grease prior to the bolts and nuts before mounting them......

Got to say/write it: You simply should have known better than to take a Hog-zawsted car in for inspection......Peace

Questions from the fruit bowl: What did the banana and orange say to the apple? You're blushing again, you're cheeks are bright red! What did the orange and apple say to the banana? Be careful you're peeling! What did the apple and banana say to the orange? My you're thick skinned!

A rich family sends their student to College in Europe. Kid writes home "I feel bad driving a brand new, expensive, high model Mercedes to School every day, all my teachers ride the public tram" Family writes back "Don't feel bad, take this 1.5 million euro check and go buy yourself a tram"

Apply generous amounts of grease to bolts and nuts and this will help for next removal or upgrade......