mbcracken Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) The mrs and I have both read the book...Brain Rules. http://brainrules.net/ Lots of good stuff in there to help understand what's going on in a teenagers rapidly changing mind. On the note of offering of reading suggestions to your daughter...I've got two (11yr & 16yo)...offer the idea to them in a way so it becomes their idea. If they still say nah...be thankful their are able to form their own opinion and trust you enough to express their opinion. Suggestion of how to get something to be more their idea... Parent - "Can I make a suggestion of a new book?" If the kiddo says yes..."I found XYZ book interesting because of this or that plot and characters. Let me know if you would like to read it...I'm almost done with it." if kiddo says no...then accept it and move on. Cheers, Mike Edited March 26, 2013 by mbcracken Typos via stumbling fingers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twisty Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I'm sure this effect exists in other domains, but, parents, have you ever noticed that if you like something, your kid(s) somehow have a natural aversion to it (more often than not)? My daughter is almost ten but tests at a senior in H.S. reading level. Whenever I recommend a book to her, it is the kiss of death for said book. So I've tried leaving a book out for her to find and examine, but she seems to sniff the ones my wife or I like and ignores them. This is despite the fact that said books fall within the genre that she enjoys. "I'm my parents like it, it can't be good." So though she likes fantasy, she will not read Tolkein's LoTR trilogy or the Hobbit, TH Lawrences' "Once and Future King," or "Watership Down." its hit-or-miss usually. all 3 of my kids read the same stuff i do for the most part, they recommend books to me and vice versa. all 3 are 16-18 yrs old, and we can hold lengthy conversations about books, tv shows or even stuff on the news or school discussions they wanted to know more about. keeping the channels open is a difficult thing to do (they dont talk to their mom about much of anything), but the extra work is definitely worth it. i even get asked for advice on relationships, fashion (even tho they know im clueless) and other things most kids dont bother their parents with. i love it. i dread the days they move out and get all self-sufficient. ill be really bored. Save the tazer for the first "serious" boyfriend. Take up smoking before hand if you don't already. Light your smoke with the tazer when he comes to pick her up. my oldest girls BF came over to watch a movie the first time i met him. it wasnt planned, so i was already on the couch cleaning my firearms. had my 9mm put back together and sitting on the table, but the SKS was all over the couch and table in pieces when he walked in. his eyes got about 3" around, he has always been very polite to me. it may have something to do with the conversation i had with him about separating him into small parts and burying said parts in various small holes all over the desert if he hurt my girl, but you never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJBerk Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Sad gal committed to attending Appalachian State, Hayes School of Music in the fall. She's had a bit of a smile on her face today. Makes me glad. (and broke) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I love my daughter but I hate being a parent and I hate the person I have become from the loss of one of my twins. I don't enjoy my life anymore. The only time I honestly smile or have fun is at the track, why do you think I all of a sudden started tracking the car AFTER having a kid. Midlife crisis? I think not. Without something to look forward to life can be very bleak. Pretty sure the only one that can forgive me is my daughter. Going to be a long wait while working though her delays due to the trauma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators BarManBean Posted April 1, 2013 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2013 I love my daughter but I hate being a parent and I hate the person I have become from the loss of one of my twins. I don't enjoy my life anymore. The only time I honestly smile or have fun is at the track, why do you think I all of a sudden started tracking the car AFTER having a kid. Midlife crisis? I think not. Without something to look forward to life can be very bleak. Pretty sure the only one that can forgive me is my daughter. Going to be a long wait while working though her delays due to the trauma. Hopefully that's meant as an April Fool's gag, but it's pretty damn dark if it is and even darker if it's not "Bullet-proof" your OEM TMIC! <<Buy your kit here>> Not currently in stock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Unfortunately NOT a joke. More that I thought time would make it easier to deal with and I would write a thread about it so others could learn on the doctors (and my for trusting them against my instinct) mistake that my family paid for. Sorry to talk about it on 4/1 but its not exactly "whats on your mind" or facebook material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators BarManBean Posted April 1, 2013 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2013 Unfortunately NOT a joke. More that I thought time would make it easier to deal with and I would write a thread about it so others could learn on the doctors (and my for trusting them against my instinct) mistake that my family paid for. Sorry to talk about it on 4/1 but its not exactly "whats on your mind" or facebook material. Time will likely make it easier, but if I recall correctly it's been 6 months or so? "Time heals all wounds" tends to apply in a much larger time scale I believe--years, not months--unfortunately. If you are really feeling this way I strongly suggest seeking professional help. I doubt that anyone here is truly qualified to help you through these feelings and even if they are it's not the type of issue to deal with through a forum or online interaction. Best of luck and prayers for you and your family. "Bullet-proof" your OEM TMIC! <<Buy your kit here>> Not currently in stock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 There is no pill for someone without a chemical need and as the child of a licensed therapist, I am well aware of their lack of ability to do anything substantive for me. Mostly just sharing my unhappiness and I am certain there are many who can identify. I've gotten tons of pm's in the last 6mo to a year. I'm also 38. There are not enough years left to fix it. Best for me to hear from those many years after a similar loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Crap, LA. Do I understand correctly? One of your children died? How did I miss this? If so, I hope you learn to live with it, becz I've seen that's all that one can do. Getting over it is never in the cards. My inlaws lost their son at 42 to cancer and it took them years to come out of their darkness both with therapy and antidepressants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) Not being a smartass but as depressing as it sounds in a way its encouraging to know that learning to live with it and not expecting to get over it is par for the course because that's certainly how I feel. It means that this is how I am supposed to feel. There is nothing WRONG with me. I lost a kid. ...and I actually contacted you by PM, KRB asking for some legal advice about a problem I was having with my doctor and babies a while back because I did not know who else to ask for help, you didn't respond so I assumed you did not want to discuss business/legal matters out of state you were not involved with... It a way it would almost have been easier if I lost both as horrible as that sounds. Certainly not something to say to the wife but then we would have started over with trauma closure in some way. Now I have one that is in P.T. because she has problems and as beautiful as she is, there should be two of her. Forever I will have a TTTS child. The doctors involved with us are very sorry. They are organizing events to spread the information in the medical community but... We pretty much ARE the medical test group. There are very, very, very few children like her (TTTS survivor, no surgery, not properly caught/tested for) Edited April 1, 2013 by LosAngelesLGT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterJMC Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Sorry to hear LAGT Not to be insensitive by changing the flow of the thread... I'd like to share that I had what I feel has been the best weekend ever with my daughter. She actually wanted to be around and be comforted by me Her mom is usually her go to for comfort. Yesterday, I was able to lay my head on her tiny lap while she watched TV. Such a great feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Dude, don't feel like you are being a party pooper for being a happy parent. Thrilled your daughter welcomes you and feels comforted by you. Her relationship with you will go far to define her relationships with men in her life later and frankly, a daughter is more likely to want to be around her wrinkled old dad and bring grandkids around when you are old than a son. What comes from effort and a lap of love in front of the TV is returned 10 fold when you are old and she is a grown woman. ...and next time PICS. We need more cute pics here. Keeps to mood right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Not being a smartass but as depressing as it sounds in a way its encouraging to know that learning to live with it and not expecting to get over it is par for the course because that's certainly how I feel. It means that this is how I am supposed to feel. There is nothing WRONG with me. I lost a kid. ...and I actually contacted you by PM, KRB asking for some legal advice about a problem I was having with my doctor and babies a while back because I did not know who else to ask for help, you didn't respond so I assumed you did not want to discuss business/legal matters out of state you were not involved with... It a way it would almost have been easier if I lost both as horrible as that sounds. Certainly not something to say to the wife but then we would have started over with trauma closure in some way. Now I have one that is in P.T. because she has problems and as beautiful as she is, there should be two of her. Forever I will have a TTTS child. The doctors involved with us are very sorry. They are organizing events to spread the information in the medical community but... We pretty much ARE the medical test group. There are very, very, very few children like her (TTTS survivor, no surgery, not properly caught/tested for) I just went through my PMs through 2009 and I don't see any from you. I don't think I've ever deleted PMs in my mailbox (no need since I've never been popular. Shades of high school!). I don't know what happened. If you did need a lawyer, I hope you contacted one, but I will say that such a legal process can extend the pain waaaaay beyond the "normal" recovery period for such a loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosAngelesLGT Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Its very possible I was a basket case at the time and didn't send it or thought I sent it. Didn't mean to call you out like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Dude, don't feel like you are being a party pooper for being a happy parent. Thrilled your daughter welcomes you and feels comforted by you. Her relationship with you will go far to define her relationships with men in her life later and frankly, a daughter is more likely to want to be around her wrinkled old dad and bring grandkids around when you are old than a son. What comes from effort and a lap of love in front of the TV is returned 10 fold when you are old and she is a grown woman. ...and next time PICS. We need more cute pics here. Keeps to mood right. If you're not a happy parent, you are cheating your living child. My wife and her sister started to greatly resent their parents when their brother died. He was 42 and died of cancer, the oldest of the three. He suddenly became the greatest child in the world who had never done anything wrong (although this was always somewhat the case since he was a boy and boys could screw up but it was expected -- not so with girls who had to be prim and perfect). The funny thing was that the son was a selfish, son of a bitch to his parents and his sisters, yet the parent reinvented their view of him after his death. My wife and sister finally had a sit down with their parents and said what they felt. The parents still had 2 living kids with their own kids, and it was time to pay attention to what the parents had, not what they lost. With the help of group therapy and anti-depression drugs, my wife's parents eventually came back to the real world. So LAGT, please don't forget about your surviving child. Give the extra love you would've given her sister back to her. The lingering loss felt by a parent can feel like second best love to a surving sibling, especially when their young. Best of luck to you and your family and my thoughts are with you. I'd pray for you but I'm a godless atheist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Its very possible I was a basket case at the time and didn't send it or thought I sent it. Didn't mean to call you out like that. Not a problem. I just was just wondering how the f*ck I could've missed something like that, but I was kind of in a dark place back in 2010-11 due to unemployment and my health woes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeebo Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Here's my kiddo, she's quickly becoming a handful now that she's crawling and about to start walking http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8521/8609845791_d7c1de7e0e_z.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
05GT Guru Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Dude, don't feel like you are being a party pooper for being a happy parent. Thrilled your daughter welcomes you and feels comforted by you. Her relationship with you will go far to define her relationships with men in her life later and frankly, a daughter is more likely to want to be around her wrinkled old dad and bring grandkids around when you are old than a son. What comes from effort and a lap of love in front of the TV is returned 10 fold when you are old and she is a grown woman. ...and next time PICS. We need more cute pics here. Keeps to mood right. Sorry to hear of your loss. I have never lost a child so I cannot relate to you on that but I have lost young people who were very close to me. You will always feel it, the pain is there to your core. What hopefully gets "easier" is living with it, having happiness even with pain in you. Here are my two, a 1 year old and a 5 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Aren't you just looking forward to the time when the kids will pick on one another, Guru? We have friends where the 3 yr old picked on the 7 yr old and was GREAT at it. AT first, I didn't believe the stories, but I learned by watching. I'm glad I didn't live in that house but it was fun to watch on visits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
05GT Guru Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Aren't you just looking forward to the time when the kids will pick on one another, Guru? We have friends where the 3 yr old picked on the 7 yr old and was GREAT at it. AT first, I didn't believe the stories, but I learned by watching. I'm glad I didn't live in that house but it was fun to watch on visits. It will be interesting times for sure. They will also have to worry about their dad messing with them all the time, they can ask their aunt about that. The older one already asks me to "get this baby out of my room" sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) More pics of my daughter. I'm hoping to introduce her to trout fishing this year, but mosquito bites may defeat me. She is so allergic that bites often turn to into bumps the size of a golf or baseball. We'll see! Edit: Oops! Not a good pic of her. She will beat me if she sees this. I meant to post another picture. Edited April 1, 2013 by KartRacerBoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
05GT Guru Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Wow, those are some big bumps. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coppertone Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Here are my twins, meaning not in age but the fact that they cost me the same amount to maintain lol. 2010 2.5GT limited is for sale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterJMC Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Sharing time! Here is my little cupcake. I can't believe that she is almost 2! You can see my HOT HATCH in one of the snow pics... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KartRacerBoy Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 You do know that your "cupcake" will crush your will as she subjugates you with her guile and will, don't you? Be afraid... But thanks for the pics. She's cute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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