ScoopMan Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 First time I read it I thought it read the woman brought in a very limp dick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 First time I read it I thought it read the woman brought in a very limp dick I'm sure you have something to fix that considering your age and all. Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gire Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Crazy puns in my thread?! Believe it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoopMan Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I'm sure you have something to fix that considering your age and all. I was expecting that comment, but from YOU? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I was expecting that comment, but from YOU? Vitamin V ftw Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoopMan Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Vitamin V ftw I don't need any V not yet anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 A cannibal was walking through the jungle . . . . . and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.... Tourist: $8.00 Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $12.50 Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joelwatts Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 What's the first thing a cannibal does after dumping his girlfriend? Wipes his butt. I'm a native of South Carolina. I am a dying breed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries... 7. Every commercial on television has a Web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it ! 10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ethanxk15 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 How many emo's does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Their all in the dark cutting themselves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ethanxk15 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 What makes 9 out of 10 ppl happy? Gang rape Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Politically Incorrect. * I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! * The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 21, and her name's Kathy. * Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. * My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." * The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries. * A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!" * I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening." * My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back. * The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CapnJack Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 On January 9th, a group of Pekin Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?" She says, "I'm going to commit suicide." While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," he didn't want to miss a be-a-legend opportunity either so he asked ... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another one. After they finished, George gets approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dbl_D718 Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 I lol'd because I worked in Pekin until just recently. Where'd you hear the joke? MODS: PW TMIC, Cobb catted DP, HKS cat-back, AVO filter, Bren e-tune; Konis/Epics, Advan RCII Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CapnJack Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Read it on another site. I'm not sure it's really from Pekin or if someone just threw a town name in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Fan Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 That one has been going around the internet for years....I first got it from a friend about 1 1/2 years ago.........still a great joke....no matter where it came from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSFW Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 The first time I saw that joke it was actually a cartoon, and it happened on a cliff, not a bridge. And it was the biker who jumped, except that it wasn't a biker, it was just some random guy. I guess someone from Perkin (probably someone named George) fancied himself in that scenario. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
famaya26 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed out the location. The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me*!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. “See this ******* badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land*!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear……do you understand*?!!” The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull…… With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs….. “Your badge, show him your ****** BADGE……..!!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stang70Fastback Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Repost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
famaya26 Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 ^ nows it in the right forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
700watts Posted August 20, 2012 Share Posted August 20, 2012 Still funny as sh!$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSFW Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joelwatts Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 A man goes to the dr to have a vasectomy performed. Sitting in the room an attractive nurse walks in and ask him to remove his clothes and lie on the table. He does so and then the nurse climbs on top and has her way with him. afterwards, he ask what all that was about. She said that it is best if the patient has ejaculated just prior to the procedure so that things will be relax and go smoothly. Happily accepting the answer, the nurse wheels him to the operating room. On the way, he notices a room with a few other men feverishly masturbating. Puzzled he ask the nurse what they were having done. She said, " oh they are getting vasectomies as well. You have blue cross, they have obamacare." I'm a native of South Carolina. I am a dying breed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BENCOB Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century, old man,” he said. “We don't waste money on newspapers.” “Here, you can borrow my iPad.” I tell you this, that fly never knew what hit it...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Fan Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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