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Rating System For Hangovers


jj808

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1 star hangover (*)

 

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 Cokes and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries from your local fast food joint.

 

 

2 star hangover (**)

 

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only acerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a smothered, covered, chopped, and diced chili cheese omelet and pancake breakfast from that great breakfast place down the street. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.

 

 

3 star hangover (***)

 

Slight headache. Have a distinct shitty feeling in your gut. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd your ass at 1:45 a.m. from Platinum Plus.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching TK and Mike?s Duck hunting trip.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 grape ice Gatorades and a 2-liter of Coke - yet you haven't peed once.

 

 

4 star hangover (****)

 

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and reamed you out for reeking of that famous distillery in Lynchburg Tennessee. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the "Hell?s Gravity Kiss" ride at the fair).

Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High,'76.

 

 

5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."

 

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore of your body and making you dizzy. No one will smoke around you for fear you will burst into flames. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your mouth has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

 

Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there was (and still

is) this strange chick sleeping in your bed at your house.

 

 

6 star hangover (******) aka "The Infinite Nuttsmacker"

 

You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile, toilette seat, or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before you the next morning... You try to lift your head. Not an option.

 

It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, not ultra lights... but some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job.

 

You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "DockRocker"

faintly atop your forehead... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "Umbros" shorts and your favorite "Pull My Finger" shirt.

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4 star hangovers are a working function of my life.

 

5 stars occur once every couple of months when 'that second mickey of vodka at 11pm' sounds like a great idea, after all the beers are done too...

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Im going for a 10 next week...4 days in the poconos without the wife...me,fish ,steak, and beer.

 

Lately i discovered that for some reason i don't get hangovers when i drink natural ice. LOL

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I was off the chart (7 star) once at MSU after drinking a lot of gin and tonics.

 

The last thing I vaguely remember was watching MTV (yes it was 1982) and thinking I understood Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" video. Then I woke up in the morning lying in the shower with the lukewarm water trickling down on me (it was the Delta Chi fraternity house), and I was in a pool of vomit that consisted of cheese corn, spaghetti, and gin. All of my brothers getting ready for class in the morning, who curiously thought I was dead, never called for an ambulance. I probably needed it.

 

My head hurt for a good 18 hours.

 

Now when I see the "Shock the Monkey" video I realize I was really f'd up, because that video is a random blur that makes no sense.:lol:

-Zin

06 LGT LTD GRP 5MT

07 FXT LTD OBP 4EAT

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FYI. I'm not a big drinker, but I guarantee that if you drink a tall glass of water before you go out, then have a small glass of water for every 1 or 2 drinks you have, you will never get a hangover. ;)
ProTUNED by RaminiSports :icon_mrgr
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