Penguin Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Well it is close enough to morning for me to tell you all about my glorious away from home terminal car. It is a beautiful 1995 Ford Ass-pire with a 1.3L I4 and a 5 speed manual, bucket seats, AM/FM radio, heat and AC (that works), highly reliable crank windows, and the highly desirable 13" wheel option. The color pallet is red (the fastest of all colors it adds at least 50hp), over gray cloth. With only 174,000 miles. Now the previous owner did do some customization of both the interior and exterior to make the car better. Starting with the exterior, much like the dimples on a golf ball that allow higher retained velocity and less drag, the red rocket has many dimples in the sheet metal although these are more asymmetrical and have custom variations in size and depth. The interior has been treated to an interesting and effective variation of ventilated seats with random holes in the fabric that appear to have been burned in with some unknown heat source. I feel that given the vehicle's condition it was a steal at only $18.50, which incidentally is about the exact same price as a case of Miller Lite purchased at Lynn's Dakotamart in Hot Springs, SD. Your price may vary based on the price of your local drunken Indian's preferences in beer or other alcoholic beverages. To this price add $410 for a new clutch and labor to put it in, while we could have saved about $300 here in labor if we did the job ourselves, it was not worth our time to layoff a trip losing $500-$700 per man to screw with it. Now keep in mind this cost is split up three ways, so it is still a pretty good deal. Now for the driving; I first was able to drive this wonder of automotive perfection in Gillette, WY where the car now lives with all of the other away from home terminal cars. Getting in and out is easy, but the doors are rather light and need to be closed firmly... sometimes several attempts are needed. I credit the customized divoted doors with this since they swing so fast they bounce off the body before they can latch. Depressing the clutch reveals the mechanic did a good job, nice even pedal pressure and a distinct engagement point. Upon firing up the mighty 1.3L of Fast-n-Furious lets off a mighty roar enhanced by Ford's wise choice to use a heat shield with flexible brackets. Engage reverse give it a little bit of gas, let out the clutch and we're off! Steering feel is excellent and communicative with only a little bit of play, not over boosted at all, in fact at low speeds you really have to crank on the wheel to move it at all. This is because there is no power assist. Running down the road looking like a baller (because I am so awesome) brings out some other virtues of this automobile, first and foremost is the suspension is really communicative. For example if you encounter a crack, expansion joint, or pothole that looks like it might be pretty deep the car will let you know with great accuracy whether or not your theory is true. Bear down on a pothole and say to yourself..."man that looks rougher than shit"..... then drive over it and the car confirms that it was rougher than shit. It makes you feel like a real genius because of this. The little car really likes to be manhandled too, just grab the steering wheel and yank on it to take a corner and the little car dutifully follows your commands. Acceleration is at least as good as everyone talks about with their LGT if stoplight performance is the measure. I haven't lost a single stop light drag race yet just like all of you. Plus I discovered that the little car is barely any wider than a sidewalk, in fact it may not be any wider than a sidewalk since the one I drove on in Gillette seemed to accommodate it just fine, plus it mounts the curb easily. Just imagine the envious expressions on the faces of other drivers in Gillette when they saw me drive down the sidewalk around them to where I was turning off. They were so jealous that one man even felt the need to hang out of his window and scream obscenities at me, Prius drivers really are a humorless bunch. Overall I feel this car compares favorably with the Subaru Legacy GT that I used to own, and at the price it was purchased for is a screaming deal. So anyone in the market for one of these should not hesitate to pull the trigger and make the deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 You're wasting your talents on the RR. Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 You saying I should be a used car salesman? I did sell cars for awhile and it sucked... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 You should apply for American version of Top Gear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 Yeah I could be the designated shit-box test driver/reviewer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 You saying I should be a used car salesman? I did sell cars for awhile and it sucked... Actually you should be writing Romance novels with the skills you displayed in your short story titled Driven: 1995 Ford Aspire. Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 Romance novels and letters to Penthouse...... interesting. I would need an assumed name though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeleodee Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Just the fact that this thread is titled after the bastion of intuitive and cutting edge automotive engineering that is the Ford Aspire should cause droves of folks ignited by curiosity to comment. Seriously, why does nobody respond to this interesting piece of satirical literature? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 Because this site is inhabited primarily by JDM fan-bois that are too busy studying their next wheel purchase, or BOV purchase to read posts about other cars. Of those not doing that a good portion of them are busy trying to figure out how to turn the parking lights off on their LGT. Basically we have a bunch of brain dead morons on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
red beast Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Penguin still Aspires to get a Prius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferenczy33 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 Old roommate had one years ago. We called it the Assfire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 Penguin still Aspires to get a Prius Sure, just as fervently as you do to finally get that sex change operation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueWhiteBoy Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Finally, the outside will match the inside! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShrinerMonkey Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Appropriately named car. As in it Aspires to be a real car someday. Or it's buyers Aspire to getting a better job so that they can buy something better someday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuskiTrombone Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Next time I see someone ask how they should spend their $300 on mods, I will point them to the Ass-pire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
700watts Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 You should apply for American version of Top Gear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sactojesse Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Well done, Penguin! IMO, the Ford Ass-Pyre (burning ass, like a hemorrhoid) is the 1990s Ford equivalent of the Chevy Aveo, a badge-engineered Korean POS. It's also a reminder of how shockingly bad Kia was before Hyundai acquired it and turned it into its "sporty" nameplate. Back in the 1990s, it wasn't rare for a Korean car to be bad, but it's quite rare now with Hyundai/Kia seemingly knocking one out of the park with each new vehicle introduction. However, the Chevy Aveo, made by moribund Daewoo, is one of those now rare bad Korean cars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueWhiteBoy Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 http://memimage.cardomain.com/ride_images/1/3234/4841/8084920001_large.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Anyone remember Daihatsu? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooter Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 a beautiful 1995 Ford Ass-pire with a 1.3L I4 Are you sure about that? For some reason my recollection is that those cars had 3-cyl engines. I rented a brand new one back in the day when I was in Maui, and I remember being fairly impressed at how well the little rollerskate got 3 of us adults to Hana and back and all the way up to Haleakala. But I don't imagine that they have aged very well. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. In other words: SEARCH before you post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesseH Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Are you sure about that? For some reason my recollection is that those cars had 3-cyl engines. Per http://www.edmunds.com/ford/aspire/1995/ the 1.3 4-cyl is correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sactojesse Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Are you sure about that? For some reason my recollection is that those cars had 3-cyl engines. No, but the Chevy Sprint/Suzuki Swift/Geo Metro and Subaru Justy did. Anyone remember Daihatsu? I used to want a Daihatsu Rocky 4x4 for the few years in the early 1990s they were available in the U.S. Solid axles front and rear. Never cared much for the Daihatsu Charade though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well I thought I would update this for Mike's purchasing consideration. The Aspire continues to serve admirably as my transportation at the away from home terminal, and the three of us who own the car are quite pleased. I routinely make it a point to drive the balls off of the little car anytime I am behind the wheel. The front tires are now showing cords, but not to worry replacements can be had new for only $35/tire..... or they can be liberated from an abandoned wheel barrow. The car is now faster due to the application of a K&N air filter sticker, and four (4) Jeggs stickers letting would be stop light Grand Prix participants know that the Aspire is packing some potent go fast bits. The little car excels at some activities like pushing shopping carts, or intimidating other drivers. Now some of you might wonder about the juvenile behavior of the first, and scoff at the notion of the second claim, but hear me out; you see when you drive a car that looks like it is worth $18.50 other drivers don't mess with you. They assume that you don't have insurance, and don't have much to lose so they give you a wide berth. I have been a bit disappointed that I haven't been pulled over by the Gillette police just for the despicable looks of my little shit box, but I am sure that some night or early some morning I will get to have a stimulating conversation with one of Gillette's finest (I use that term loosely). All in all (and I am being serious now) the Aspire is a great reminder of what a good car can and should be. The Aspire is simple, it doesn't pretend to be anything else, and it makes a guy realize just how much shit is packed into more modern cars that we don't freakin' need. Power windows? Screw em, cranks work fine. CD/MP3/Satellite Radio/infotainment/GPS/voice activated/command center? Nope, and glad it just has a simple radio. Power steering? Power steering is for pussies. Power seats? How often do you adjust the seats in your car... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurlyOldManMN Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Next mod: dual air horns. Worked wonders in my metro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bdisco Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Damn You Penguin now I want an Aspire. That sudden rush of adrenaline, not from acceleration but from when the brake peddle goes all the way to the floor as your approaching a crowded intersection. ABS? How fast can you pump the peddle? Park-assist? Try Park-by-Feel, back up 'til you bump object behind, pull forward & bump object in front, repeat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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