What I do as an Army recruiter to stay sane...

[chrisngrod]

I hate making phone calls so this is what I do...

 

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a**hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a**hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "a**hole calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale "sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a**hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an a**hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called A**hole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an a**hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"A**hole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black BMW parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole," and hung up.

Then I called A**hole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, a**hole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your a**," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works.

 

 

Just a thought. I'd never do it for simple reasons.

[Guest *Jedimaster*]

Cliff's?

[panamajack]

That's really not cool. I would have to say that you sir are the asshole in this situation.

[Tommyh]

Great story! So I'm guessing by your disclaimer at the bottom that you think of shit like this to do to stay sane, and write it down as a good story to read over at a later time when life is suckin'. Am I right?

[dark_rex]

lol

[Penguin]

This story has been around for awhile. Now if he really does that it's no wonder Army recruiting goals are all jacked-up.

[johnAWD]

*chuckle*

[Gordon05GT]

Sweet! :lol:

[jerami1981]

good story, read it a few years ago, got a kick out of it, but i dont get pissed enough at people to remember all of that.

[andrew.anderson]

Seen that before. Still funny though.

[firedawgs]

Good Read.

Wierd; I had a Army Recruiter come to my house today. I dont know how he got my address or my name? I guess the Army is hurting.

[legacy2005]

lol..thats funny as hell

[Garandman]

Good Read.

 

Wierd; I had a Army Recruiter come to my house today. I dont know how he got my address or my name? I guess the Army is hurting.

Imagine what it's like for him.....

 

The active Army is doing OK. In fact if you wanted to volunteer for Infantry and Airborne or Ranger duty, there's a waiting list.

 

 

The National Guard is struggling, as unless you have been prior service and have some rank and service time, you can take a huge financial hit if activated.

 

A friend of mine has been called up for the second time. He's an O5 (Lieutenant Colonel) with 20 years of service. While on active duty he makes $7003.80 per month, plus allowances. For example, he got an extra $150 a month in Afghanistan because he is jump qualified and was assigned to an SF unit on jump status.

 

But if you joined the NG out of High School you could be paid as little as $1178.10 per month. If you had a family or other obligations that would be tough, especially in parts of the country that are expensive to live in.

[meier motor sports]

awsome!!!