typeSpeed Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin,and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'dshoot Nina twice. 2. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can makehim drink. 3. If you wake up in the morning, it's because JackBauer spared your life. 4. Upon hearing that he was played by KieferSutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauergets played by no man. 5. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is adirect result ofhim finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, stillalive. 6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. Hethen spent the next half-hour torturing himself untilhe gave up the location of the keys. 7. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. 8. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin wasaddicted to Jack Bauer. 9. Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills aterrorist. Not because you masturbated, but becausethat is how often he kills terrorists. 10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer.Sounds like a fair fight. 11. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fullyloaded gun and won. 12. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time.Wait, that is a real fact. 13. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it'sbecause he was shooting at another terrorist twelvemiles away. 14. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in MiddleEastern men. 15. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason youare conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does notfeel like carrying you. 16. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alertred. His second favorite color is violet, but justbecause it sounds like violent. 17. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them tokill terrorists. Jack Bauer f*cking hates lemonade. 18. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumpsout. 19. Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk. 20. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after10:30. 21. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It justmakes him angry. 22. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Saysbecause if Jack Bauer says something then you betterf*cking do it. 23. The quickest way to a man's heart is through JackBauer's gun. 24. Jack Bauer can beat the gay out of Elton John. 25. No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is ap*ssy" in a sentence and lived to tel... 26. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer. 27. Jack Bauer makes onions cry. 28. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill50 Cent. 29. The real reason the Army ditched the "Army of One"campaign? Jack Bauer sued for copy right infringement. 30. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why?Because He's a p*ssy. 31. Jack Bauer doesn't urinate or defecate. Hesecretes waste through his pores as two chemicalswhich can be combined to create napalm. 32. That cougar that stalked Kim was actually JackBauer's pet cat. Jack used his Beastmaster powers tokeep an eye on Kim and to keep her in line throughfear. 33. The only reason terrorists keep attacking LA is sothey can meet Jack Bauer. 34. The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of Chinanot to repel the Mongols, but rather to repel JackBauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas. 35. Chase wasn't actually in any danger from thatterrorist virus. Jack Bauer just cut off his handbecause that's how he warns all of Kim's boyfriends. 36. Jack Bauer creates an "airtight perimeter" byyelling at the air and calling it a p*ssy until itgets its sh*t together and falls in line. 37. Jack Bauer parts LA traffic with his enormouspenis. That's why he can reach anywhere in the city inthe span of a commercial break. 38. The reason CTU's superiors are called "Division"is because JackBauer broke their building in half in a fit of ragebecause theycouldn't bring him a sandwich in 24 hours. 39. Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission inunder five minutes. The 24 hours is just creativeediting. 40. CTU stands for Jack F*cking Bauer. 41. God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will bespending his 7th day working his usual triple shiftwithout sleep. Lazy ass God. 42. Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in24 hours. 43. Jack Bauer knows where Carmen Sandiego is. 44. Once a year, Jack Bauer kills and eats an entireblue whale. This is why he is never seen having lunch. 45. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a roomtogether, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver andget out. Silver-Arts.com - Custom web design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vahkil Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 chuck norris >>> jack bauer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aczwild Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Bullshit Bauer is the shit, he'd feed Norris his testicles through a straw JDM'd All to hell Thanks Jimmy @ Hkc-Speed.com! RIP Coxx & Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 In the time it took you two to argue about Chuck and Jack, Mr. T pittied you both 30 times. Fools. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vahkil Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 kind of hard to pity fools or suck through straws with a size 16 boot roundhoused to your face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHLEG Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Darth Vader is the BIGGEST badass in the universe! Period! Case closed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aczwild Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Bah Bauer is the shit end of story, Vader can go hump Mr. T and Norris JDM'd All to hell Thanks Jimmy @ Hkc-Speed.com! RIP Coxx & Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHLEG Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 kind of hard to pity fools or suck through straws with a size 16 boot roundhoused to your face Walker's a wimp! There is only one badass named Chuck and it's Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell (although Randy "The Old Fart" Coutur will kick his ass on Sat)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jj808 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Who is Jack Bauer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melayout Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Who is Jack Bauer? Your FATHER. He's mine too. I keed I keeed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebpda9 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nov26_2 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I must have had a really hard day because I thought that was hilarious. I'm downstairs trying not to laugh outloud and make people think I'm crazy. Did you also notice they have "Jack" doing about 1/2 the commercial voice overs during 24? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLegacy99 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Bah Bauer is the shit end of story, Vader can go hump Mr. T and Norris Gonna have to agree with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
typeSpeed Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Your FATHER. He's mine too. LOLOL, best post evAR! Silver-Arts.com - Custom web design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aczwild Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 The time for Bauer is almost upon us! JDM'd All to hell Thanks Jimmy @ Hkc-Speed.com! RIP Coxx & Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jj808 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Your FATHER. He's mine too. NNNNNOOOOOO!!!! HE CANT BE!!! BEN TOLD ME YOU KILLED HIM!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHLEG Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Jack is a WUSS! He wouldn't even cut out Walt's eye! Darth would have choked him out no questions asked without even needing to lay a hand on him! Darth Vader, Darth Vader, Darth Vader! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
typeSpeed Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 What you didn't see was Walt pissing in his pants. http://www.sonicswitch.com/vin/jack1.jpg Silver-Arts.com - Custom web design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
typeSpeed Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 This ones a little better.... http://www.sonicswitch.com/vin/jack2.jpg Silver-Arts.com - Custom web design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penguin Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 They're all a bunch of pansies compared to Vlad Dracula. Let's impale us some Turks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACKeNeD Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 My fave... 40. CTU stands for Jack F*cking Bauer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SBT Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 typeSpeed - good one - I needed that. JB all the weee (way - sorry)... - Pro amore Dei et patriam et populum - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLegacy99 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Still waiting for Tony to make his miraculous recovery and rejoin CTU......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brettnyt Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Jack Bauer pissed on R Kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warteaufmich Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Uh oh, sounds like the ultimate showdown... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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