Gire

Epic thread. Look at all the OG members who filled this up since 2004. RobY- where are you?

Wow- long overdue bump. Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be screwed if he needed glasses".

4 FULL SIZED cigars a day?? Or are these things like lady fingers?

Just bring your good cheer and I'll take care of the rest.

I started again, my friend. I was worried about health/ life insurance and it made me quit for a year, but I'm back on it again! Come up to Vancouver and we'll have a Cuban cigar smoke storm. Much to Mrs Gire's dismay. Edit- this offer is open to anyone coming up to my neck of the woods!

^^^ Probably better, but still too 'race-inspired' to fit in with the Grand Touring styling of the Legacy. We all know subtle lip spoilers look best on the Legacy sedan. It flows with the body lines best. Case in point is post #75. Dear God, I hope that's a photo-chop.

NICELY done!

I like the gold too... I wouldn't own it, but it is nice. Edit- on both colours though I wouldn't go with any wheel colour except silver. These aren't racy car colours and I think if you put racy coloured wheels on them, they'd have an identity crisis. Stick with classy silver. The Spec B OEM rim would also be a great choice.

No donks up here in Vancouver Canuckistan. Not enough true ballers, I guess...

Actual call center conversations! Some oldies, but goodies in here... Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?' Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?' Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.' Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.' Samsung Electronics Caller:'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.' RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?' Operator: 'Does the product name give you a clue?' Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) 'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please' Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.' Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland . ' On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.' Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.' Customer: 'OK.' Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.' Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

I like it when it's a Canadian lighthouse in the joke. Makes me laugh every time.

That is damn near spot on! (But Gire does not own a snow blower:redface:)

It ain't Friday but I heard a funny one today... A wife is standing in her underwear in front of the bedroom mirror and is not very happy. She says to her husband who is already lying in the bed, "Dear, I could really use a compliment from you right about now. I look tired. And I look old and wrinkly." The husband says, "Well... you do have near-perfect eye sight."

^^^^ That's genius. I'm sharing this theory with my wife later tonight.

BUMP- The boss just told me a great one. A lady takes an ad out in the papaer looking for a mate. She only had 3 conditions to be her mate, and they are: 1) don't beat me 2) don't run around on me 3) must be great in bed She sends the ad off to the paper and about a week later she hears a ring on her doorbell. She opens the door to see a guy guy in a wheel chair with no arms and no legs. She is confused to see this fellow so she says, "yes, may I help you?" He replies, "I'm here to answer your ad in the paper." She looks him up and down and says, "well, I don't know how to put this but... I don't think you are what I'm looking for." "Why?" He says. "You said you don't want anyone to beat you. I don't have any arms. You don't want anyone running around on you, and I frankly don't have any legs." "But I had a third condition as well..." She says. He answers, "How do you think I rang the door bell".

It was a lighthearted request. I just love the Spec B rims. The older 05-07 ones and these new ones are both really really nice for OEM rims.

^^^^ Can I buy your stock wheels?

aaaand one more: The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been recategorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

BUMP- Might be an oldie, but I just heard it the other day. Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "Exactly how many is a brazillion?"