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Difference between MEN and WOMEN


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Difference Between Women And Men


If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call

each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each

other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.






When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 ,

even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller

and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.






A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.






A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a

bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man

would not be able to identify most of these items.






A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.






Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.




A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, sometimes.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.




A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.






A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.






A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,

answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.





Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.






Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist

appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and

hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.






Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people

remembering the same thing.






A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An

earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to

concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked


"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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  • 5 weeks later...
Guest *Jedimaster*
I always say a happy woman is a slightly less annoying woman. Buy them things, for the sake of your sanity.
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  • 8 years later...

The Difference Between Men And Women. This Is Genius.


Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.


And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"


And then, there is silence in the car.


To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.


And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.


And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?


And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.


And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.


And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.


And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.


And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.


And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.


And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...


"Fred," Martha says aloud.


"What?" says Fred, startled.


"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)


"What?" says Fred.


"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."


"There's no horse?" says Fred.


"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.


"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.


"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.


(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)


"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)


"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.


"What way?" says Fred.


"That way about time," says Martha.


"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)


"Thank you, Fred," she says.


"Thank you," says Fred.


Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.


The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.


They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.


Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"


And that's the difference between men and women.

- Pro amore Dei et patriam et populum -
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