Coyote_Lips Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yup... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Montana Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML Geez! I just read this one to my mom over the phone, after laughing with her over a few others. For this one, she paused, then I heard, "Well, wasn't that sweet of her?" FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rika Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML Anyone we know like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fishbone Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I often visit fmylife.com and post this while on the crapper on my iPod Touch. Today while reading it slipped out of my hands and plunked into the toilet water and right into a liquid turd - FML Rest assured I was only joking. Or ... was ... I? Just be on the safe side and either ignore my account/posts or take a shower every time you read what I write. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legacy2.5GT05 Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebpda9 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legacy2.5GT05 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loserpro2 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 i read that one about the girl having sex with the homeless guy. that was freakin hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoplightAssassin Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultimakf7 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ultimakf7 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML pwned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSFW Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhabodav Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I often visit and post this site in the crapper on my iPod Touch. In fact, I am doing so at this very minute. So am I at the moment LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legacy2.5GT05 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 TMI ^ buddy. Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSFW Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML I was going to write one that said, "The other day, I was at a sandwich shop, and this total ass**** behind me YANKED a hair out of my shoulder..." But, it turns out you have to get an account to post, so, meh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 http://www.bedug.com/pics/Fun2/huh-what-stupid-human-1404173944.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nemo Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GXHMppAZBuA/TOZXAxbtcgI/AAAAAAAAAI4/ft8cz8mS_wQ/s1600/Old+Thread+back.jpg If you don't vote Trump, out, you're a bigot who hates america. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
700watts Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 scribed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twisty Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 solid resurrection too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rizzo03 Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 I got head hunted and offered a job. I will get the most excellent training by two guys who really believe in me. The problem is I have a height issue and I am now 12yrs into the same schedule every day.... It's working on overhead cranes and it's a very varied schedule. FML... I have to take the job I absolutely do not want. #whitepeopleproblems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.