bosco Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Out of the mouths of babes-- 1. NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year old shout from the back seat, "Mom! that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" 2. OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents" 3. KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. "She's hitting the bottle." 4. MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" 5. POLICE #1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" Ye s," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?" 6. POLICE #2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" 7. ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" 8. DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." 9. DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting. They dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate pra yers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always sang: "Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and into the hole he goes." 10. SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school, I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" 11. BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was on old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear." bosco Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiskeyTango Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 This go no 's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Historic thread revival! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandonJ 2001 GT Limited Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 My son yesterday - "Daddy...I have balls....plenty of balls." ....As he was picking up the inflatable bouncing balls and putting the toys away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 The thread finally got going, keep'm coming. Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrandonJ 2001 GT Limited Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 "Daddy...the bathroom is pissed." (when my oldest daughter stepped in the puddle my son left.) All with a highly serious, annoyed look on her face. "Daddy...it doesn't work" Son looks down with a disappointed look So I ask " Kiddo....what wont work?" "Daddy...my pp just wont work. " Prior to that he said he had to go potty, but wasn't able to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ehsnils Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnyJagaru Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 When out for a walk in the country with my six year old she once said, "Its true, butterflies are diurnal". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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