Aircraft mechanic jokes

[legacy_y_tu]

Buddy of mine from the military sent me these. I thought it was pretty damned funny. I swear the mechanics must laugh their a$$ off somtimes reading these repair notes. I had to fill these out to during my stint at UPS. I remember I had a run in with the mechanic over the transmission. Wouldn't stay in third gear and I kept describing the isuue. He'd never fix it just come up with excuses. Finally I just wrote on the repair form, "transmission broken, replace" and it got done. :lol:

 

Anyway, here it is:

 

Squawks

 

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

 

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

 

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

 

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

 

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers

lack normal seepage

 

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

 

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

 

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

 

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

 

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

 

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

 

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for

 

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

 

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!

 

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

[ZinFreak]

These are pretty good. Being a pilot, I love aviation humor.

 

You know what the pilot's most feared in-air mechanical problem is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A broken coffee pot.