laz Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Found somewhere on the internets: Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. Escapee Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. Jailbreak (Used in conjunction with Escapee) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. Courtesy Flush Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. Walk of Shame Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. Out of the Closet Pooper Definition: A colleague who poops at work and proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. The Pooping Friends Network Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. Safe Havens Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. Turd Burglar Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. Camo-Cough Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. Astaire Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. Watermelon Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. Havana Omlet Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. Uncle Ted Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. Fly By Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. The Low Down Definition: The pause created by the inability for the weak plumbing in an old, unused building to successfully remove any of the aforementioned deposits, forcing the depositor to wait until the toilet has refilled to capacity, used denoted by the ever heighting pitch of the water rushing back in, so as to be able to flush the remaing extremely embarassing, yet easily whisked away, remnants. X --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MannyLegacy Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Im pretty sure I posted this a while back. But it's still good to be reminded of it. :munch: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laz Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 Did you post it in General Funny or somewhere else? X --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MannyLegacy Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Im pretty sure I posted this a while back. But it's still good to be reminded of it. I think I posted it somewhere else. But here's a few others......... http://legacygt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3370&highlight=Turd+Burglar http://legacygt.com/forums/showpost.php?p=297540&postcount=22 http://legacygt.com/forums/showthread.php?t=52128&highlight=Turd+Burglar :munch: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MannyLegacy Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Ahhh.......... And here's my posting............ :lol: http://legacygt.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1003701&postcount=8809 :munch: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laz Posted September 21, 2007 Author Share Posted September 21, 2007 Nice, well I shall use some of those! X --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MannyLegacy Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Yeah, I always joke around with my friend here at work. I'll walk by his desk and ask him if he's hungry. Then I'll say because I'm on my way to go make a Havana Omelette :lol: :munch: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FJuan Posted September 23, 2007 Share Posted September 23, 2007 It's not a repost if I haven't read it before. Btw - I'm sure we all can relate to a few of these. :lol: My wife's balls are delicious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bosco Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 +1 bosco Stay Stock Stay Happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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