Funny rules for the employee handbook

[whitetiger]

Sorry if this is a repost, but I thought it was funny.

 

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or

co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.

In rare cases here employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the

late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently

leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time

limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,

your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"

category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental

health policy.

Lunch Break:

- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look

healthy.

- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average

figure.

- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a

Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment

experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,

aggravations,

insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be

directed elsewhere.

The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed

[BlueDevil]

what, was that supposed to be funny? sounds like a place i used to work........

 

 

:lol: :lol:

[jazzymt]

Sent it to our HR director. Thanks.

[FJuan]

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time

limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,

your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders"

category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental

 

<fall out of chair> :lol: :lol:

 

My worst nightmare.