jj808

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

 

His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

 

His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

 

Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

 

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

 

“No, I’m serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

 

Because every time they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle.

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grand children and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade four.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Forgive my ignorance but is the office building drop ceiling common place? I have never owned a home nor did my parent's home have a basement so I have no experience with it.

http://hugelolcdn.com/i460/329589.jpg

That's not weird. It sick.

http://shechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/bad-puns-14.jpg?w=500&h=375

http://mans.io/images/1004380/1015340.jpg

Yup, a true genius here.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/man-rolls-dog-waste-try-avoiding-arrest-plan-162833390.html

 

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) — Police say a Pennsylvania man dropped to the ground and rolled around in dog waste to avoid being arrested for public drunkenness, but he was taken into custody anyway.

 

Police in Wilkes-Barre (WILKS'-ba-ree) tell the Times Leader officers came upon 45-year-old Maurice Franklin early Monday night after he jumped into traffic. They believed he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

 

They say he slurred his words and at first claimed he was walking erratically to avoid stepping in the dog feces on the sidewalk.

 

But when officers tried to arrest him, police say he lay down in the waste and told authorities they couldn't arrest him because he was covered in feces.

 

Franklin couldn't immediately be reached for comment. Court records don't list a lawyer for him.

http://i.imgur.com/EDgCrVm.jpg

Spoke with Matt a while back when he did his gas-miser C5 'Vette video. He can drive my LGT if he promises to say nice things

 

Where is the fun in that! Much better to let him say anything he wants.

F'n Grimmspeed! Here I am trying not to spend money on my car and they come out with that beautiful top mount system. I'm seriously trying to hate this car and they keep pulling me back into it...

I get this feeling like im the only one in the US that doesn't give a shiat about football right now. Am I right?

I wouldnt even give him 2k for that.

http://hugelolcdn.com/hugegifs.com/i/4402.gif

4 year old boys are very ticklish.

Welcome to the over-40 club! For me it was only 20 yrs Active Navy. Fortunately my wife is also active (she 8 months till retirement) so she truly understands the Navy life.

Gallon? I thought you guys were metric.

http://hugelolcdn.com/i460/317826.jpg

Humans are deuterostomes, meaning that the hole that became your mouth formed after the hole that became your anus. There was a point in your development where you were basically just an asshole. Most politicians never made it past this point.

It was a good interview today! I felt alot more confident than i usually do. Not arrogant mind you but not as nervous as i usually am.

This interview is for Assistant Security Manager. GOt a 3rd interview tomorrow for the same job. This time its with the Director of Operations.

Have had 2 interviews for the same job and scheduled to have one more. Still no idea if im even in the running to GET the damn job. Wish someone would tell me something.

http://img-9gag-ftw.9cache.com/photo/ax2bwPW_700b.jpg