deneb Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of yourleft arm as if holding a baby. Position rightforefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouthand gently apply pressure to cheeks while holdingpill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pillinto mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behindsofa. Cradle cat in right arm (To avoid wound onleft arm) and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill, put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful tohumans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13) Tie the little b@stard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from he11" and call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs. How to Give a Dog a Pill: 1) Wrap it in bacon. Drop on the floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHLEG Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 How true! Had me laughing the whole time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pacbreak gt Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 +1 for the dog. Peanut butter works too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BDII Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Bhah hahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahah:lol: Need forum help? Private Message legGTLT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlabs Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 As a cat owner, :lol: -=- Livin life at 140 BPM -=- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NHLEG Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 As a cat owner, :lol: You don't own them, they own you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobY Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 http://www.genmay.com/showthread.php?t=349803 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlabs Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 You don't own them, they own you . Haha.. quite true, quite true! -=- Livin life at 140 BPM -=- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tommyh Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 :lol: Martin Luther - "Who loves not women, wine and song remains a fool his whole life long." EL4NFZT7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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